Week 11 Recap
gobble gobble
Thanksgiving is a holiday that celebrates just how savage people can be. The first Thanksgiving took place almost 400 years ago in the area that's now called Massachusettes. The Piglrims, the first European settlers we're aware of in the area, had been having a rough winter. Cold weather and disease had hit their young colony hard, and their population was dwindling. We all know the story of how the local Native American tribe decided to help the settlers out, showing them what crops they could grow on the new soil and helping them shelter from the wintery cold. That next fall, before the winter of 1621, there was a bountiful harvest. The Pilgrims had grown enough food for everyone to survive the coming winter, and the decided to celebrate. Hunters went out for deer and wild fowl, bringing back enough meat for the entire colony to feast for a week. Sources are unclear on whether the natives were even invited to the party. Once the Pilgrims were able to survive the climate and get firmly settled, more people came over from Europe to start a new life, and the brutal genocide of the Native American peoples began. The Pilgrims were dicks. They were known for their Puritan faith, an old branch of Christianity who believed the purpose of life was to work hard, abstain from sex or any other pleasures in life, and generally be miserable until you died and perhaps went to heaven. They were so zealous that their beliefs were a bit too much even for England at the time, leading to their persecution and ultimately causing them to leave for the Americas. Of course once they set up shop here they were more than happy to start some persecution of their own, killing natives, burning "witches", and making it so I can't buy beer in a grocery store. And so we celebrate Thanksgiving, but it doesn't have to be a celebration of the Pilgrims themselves. Dickish as they may have been, the Pilgrims had the great idea to take a few days off, to have a feast and think about what we should be grateful for.
Today Thanksgiving is not a time to honor some racist old Puritans who dressed funny, but a time to celebrate our health, our family, our friends, and our fortune. We will survive the coming winter, we may live to see another fantasy football season, and when we have a fantasy season full of losses and misery, we still have our friends to mock us and our families to comfort us.
Ram Ram vs Dumpster Fire
It was exactly the result I was hoping for after reading Dugans insulting, lazy, dogshit, quarter-assed excuse for a preview last week. Rather than a Monday night Rams showdown, my team piled on the points while Gurley remained ineffective with a rolled ankle. Even before Monday I had given Dugan the savage beating he clearly deserved, with Big Ben and Evans racking up second half points that surely ruined Jeffreys whole day. The lone star of Dugans weekend was the Bears defense, one of his only positions to get double digits and the reason he was able to at least get just over half as many points as my team.
Goat vs Giants
Meeks little run came to an end this week but his team was looking pretty good. He managed to get a nice lead going into Monday but for some reason Meek won't stop faving QBs during their record breaking games. Bye weeks finally forced Meek to bench Brady this week so maybe now he knows he can still have a decent performance without the ailing Patriot dragging him down. Solid games from both Meeks wide receivers but it wasn't enough to compete with a monster performance from Barkley and Brocks newly-acquired Golladay on top of the massive game from Goff.
Lexie vs Nobel
Everyone in the league knows it's our main job to keep Dom out of the playoffs, and Lexie failed miserably. I don't want to be too harsh here because I'm sure Lexie knows what she did and losing to Dom is punishment enough, but damn that was a bad performance. Less than ONE point from her QB and a poor showing down the board, a solid game from her Vikings wide receive was not enough to Diggs her out of that hole. Dom had a pretty garbage performance himself that would have lost to any other team, but he's got fresh hopes for the playoffs now to go with his freshly ripped-from-the-Internet team name.
Thrift Shop vs Taint
Bobbys shit luck continues as he moves to a 2 game losing streak. Average perfomances across the board except for a miserable showing by the chargers defense. Billy started to look like his early season self again racking up points thanks to a huge game from Cam Newtron and Aaron Jones, plus Kelce getting a piece of that Monday night feeding frenzy.
Ike the Jerk vs Dennis
Biggest blowout of the week as Ike had another ridiculous week, somehow managing to top the previous season high that I had been jealously guarding since week 3. Mahomes and Tyreek are looking like an unstoppable combo, and barring injury I'm not sure how Ike will manage to pull off his traditional playoffs loss this year. He might fuck up and end up winning this thing. Dennis team looked mediocre as always, keep that mediocrity coming this week please.
Week High: Ike takes the week high and the season high with a stupid 196.7 points.